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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Category: Restaurants

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Hawker Boys, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 15, 2018July 15, 2018

I assumed Hawker Boys was new, but reviews dating back to 2016 revealed how little I venture up to Hardware Lane.

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  • Restaurants

Pharaoh, Northcote [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 1, 2018May 17, 2021

Relatively new to the eclectic High Street is Egyptian restaurant Pharaoh, which sits where chocolate shop Coco Loco and Mexican restaurant Papasito used to be.

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  • Restaurants

Magic Mountain Saloon, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on June 10, 2018

I will always sing Magic Mountain Saloon’s praises, as I will any Asian breakfast, even (or maybe especially) when faced with the whitewashed view that such dishes are outside the narrow frame of reference of what constitutes breakfast in this country.

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  • Restaurants

Atlas Dining, South Yarra

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 29, 2018April 29, 2018

Fine Dining Club hadn’t met since our inaugural dinner at Ides months ago, so we thought – what better time to resuscitate it than a few days before my elimination diet was about to start?

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  • Restaurants

Abla’s, Carlton

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 1, 2018April 1, 2018

There aren’t many dishes on Abla’s menu that doesn’t include some form of onion and garlic, but that’s OK – the best dish on its menu doesn’t have either.

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  • Restaurants

Hawker Hall, Windsor

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on March 25, 2018March 25, 2018

I’d resisted going to Hawker Hall for the longest time because I am highly sceptical of hawker centres that a) aren’t in Asia and b) charge you $19 for a Hainanese chicken rice.

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  • Restaurants

Fork & Fingers, Ascot Vale

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on March 18, 2018

Fork & Fingers is an Indian fusion restaurant, with a seasonal menu that is rejigged every few months on the back of experimentation nights with regular diners to gauge what works and what doesn’t.

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  • Restaurants

Hawker Chan, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 11, 2018February 11, 2018

Everyone around us had only ordered a dish each, so it was slightly embarrassing when Boneless Bestie picked up our tray of food and we could barely fit all our dishes on the table.

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  • Restaurants

Osteria Ilaria, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 4, 2018February 4, 2018

If you’re not willing to balance precariously on a high stool at the bar or firm up your Thursday night plans six weeks in advance, Tipo 00 is off limits, which is why it made foodie news when the team behind the famed pasta bar opened sister restaurant Osteria Ilaria a few doors away.

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  • Restaurants

Entrecôte, South Yarra

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on January 28, 2018

The steak frites at Entrecote comes with a “sauce Maison au beurre et aux herbes”, which post-meal sleuthing revealed was a “house sauce with butter and herbs” and what I’m sure was either a heap of garlic or onion or both, judging by how I felt after.

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About

 

When you’re FODMAP and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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