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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Red Hot Wok, South Yarra

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on August 19, 2018August 26, 2018

If I had to choose three cuisines to survive on for the rest of my life – I think about this important question a lot – Chinese Malaysian would be one of them, and so I was highly excited when Gingko Leaf Girl suggested we try Red Hot Wok, a Chinese Malaysian restaurant in South Yarra.

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Portello Rosso, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on August 12, 2018August 12, 2018

Portello Rosso is an ever-reliable source of tasty Spanish food and a more parent-friendly CBD dining option than the perennially cool Bar Lourinha and the slightly more upmarket MoVida outposts.

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Sookie La La, Northcote [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on August 5, 2018May 17, 2021

Mr Whatever Floats Your Bloat is notoriously hard to lure out of the house when it’s not for a halal snack pack or Red Rooster chips, but I managed to entice him with the prospect of a milkshake at Sookie La La, an American style-diner in Northcote I’d been meaning to try for a while.

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Hawker Boys, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 15, 2018July 15, 2018

I assumed Hawker Boys was new, but reviews dating back to 2016 revealed how little I venture up to Hardware Lane.

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Pharaoh, Northcote [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 1, 2018May 17, 2021

Relatively new to the eclectic High Street is Egyptian restaurant Pharaoh, which sits where chocolate shop Coco Loco and Mexican restaurant Papasito used to be.

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Ascot Food Store, Moonee Ponds

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on June 18, 2018June 17, 2018

Ascot Food Store is a cutesy, light-filled and wholesome neighbourhood spot, the kind of spot where the number of babies is only surpassed by the number of dogs – so there’s something for everyone.

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Magic Mountain Saloon, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on June 10, 2018

I will always sing Magic Mountain Saloon’s praises, as I will any Asian breakfast, even (or maybe especially) when faced with the whitewashed view that such dishes are outside the narrow frame of reference of what constitutes breakfast in this country.

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Hash Specialty Coffee, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 20, 2018

Before I launch into my first WFYB review in a while, there’s a pretty momentous announcement I have to make: I am not FODMAP-intolerant.

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Atlas Dining, South Yarra

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 29, 2018April 29, 2018

Fine Dining Club hadn’t met since our inaugural dinner at Ides months ago, so we thought – what better time to resuscitate it than a few days before my elimination diet was about to start?

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Abla’s, Carlton

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 1, 2018April 1, 2018

There aren’t many dishes on Abla’s menu that doesn’t include some form of onion and garlic, but that’s OK – the best dish on its menu doesn’t have either.

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About

 

When you’re FODMAP and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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