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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Tag: Cafes

  • Cafes

Forty Flips, Coburg North [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 22, 2020May 17, 2021

In this melting pot of a café, the owners are Cypriot, the chef Turkish.

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  • Cafes

Kines, Brunswick

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on March 11, 2018March 11, 2018

Don’t let inaction stop you from going to Kines as it did me – it’ll be one of the best brunches you have in Melbourne. If you’re addled with intolerances, know they’ll do everything in their control to ensure you escape with zero bloats.

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  • Cafes

New School Canteen, Fitzroy [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 5, 2017October 14, 2018

I had an immense hankering for a Melbourne brunch after spending the last two weeks of January in Kuala Lumpur and Bali breakfasting on roti canai, dim sum or dosa and avoiding coffee for fear of having to use a public drop toilet.

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  • Cafes

Holla, Richmond

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on December 18, 2016December 18, 2016

I visited Victoria Street once for a reason other than Vietnamese or Korean food and regretted it immensely. This isn’t that time.

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  • Cafes

Stovetop, Carlton

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on November 6, 2016November 6, 2016

I gradually made the decision to stop ordering my much-loved brunch staples of corn fritters and baked eggs after I was diagnosed with my intolerances a few years ago.

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  • Cafes

Smith Street Alimentari

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on October 30, 2016November 6, 2016

Despite belonging to a cohort of money-wasting millennials who eat out, on average, nine times a week, there are embarrassing gaps in the places I’ve dined out at.

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  • Cafes

Small Axe Kitchen, Brunswick

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on October 9, 2016October 16, 2016

It’s certifiably unwise to follow up a bloat-filled dinner at Ricky & Pinky with breakfast pasta the morning after, particularly one that doesn’t come in a gluten-free version, but not for the first time, I couldn’t resist.

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About

 

When you’re FODMAP and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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