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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Tag: brunch

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Lankan Tucker, Brunswick West

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 5, 2021July 5, 2021

Egg hoppers, string hoppers, biryani, kothhu roti – Lankan Tucker’s menu is a stunning riposte to your typical eggs on toast (though they have that too).

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  • Cafes

Forty Flips, Coburg North [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 22, 2020May 17, 2021

In this melting pot of a café, the owners are Cypriot, the chef Turkish.

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  • Cafes

Le Miel Et La Lune, Carlton

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 15, 2020May 17, 2021

I’d visited tranquil cornerside Carlton café Le Miel Et La Lune for the first time years ago and loved it, promising myself that it’d become a regular stop on my brunch circuit, but then before I knew it four years had passed and I hadn’t been back!

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  • Cafes

Lucy Lockett, Brunswick

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on December 15, 2019May 17, 2021

I’d eaten at Brunswick café Lucy Lockett before, but not since they’d changed hands and released a largely vegan menu.

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  • Cafes

Project281 Cafe, Brunswick

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on November 17, 2019May 17, 2021

My eyes couldn’t help but glaze over mentions of granola bowls, eggs benedict and smashed avo replicated across the menus of Melbourne’s cafés in my brunch research for this weekend, until I stumbled across Project281 Cafe.

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  • Cafes

Shanklin Cafe, Hawthorn East

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on October 21, 2018

I don’t usually venture outside my locale on weekends, preferring instead to visit places that I can reach either by foot or tram, but Shanklin Cafe’s invitation to try their fare was too good to pass up.

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  • Cafes

Espresso Alley, Northcote [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on September 2, 2018May 17, 2021

Espresso Alley is a cutesy local on a somewhat deserted strip in Northcote that I’m glad exists because it means grocery shopping can be fun every once in a while.

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  • Cafes

Ascot Food Store, Moonee Ponds

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on June 18, 2018June 17, 2018

Ascot Food Store is a cutesy, light-filled and wholesome neighbourhood spot, the kind of spot where the number of babies is only surpassed by the number of dogs – so there’s something for everyone.

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  • Restaurants

Magic Mountain Saloon, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on June 10, 2018

I will always sing Magic Mountain Saloon’s praises, as I will any Asian breakfast, even (or maybe especially) when faced with the whitewashed view that such dishes are outside the narrow frame of reference of what constitutes breakfast in this country.

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  • Cafes

Kines, Brunswick

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on March 11, 2018March 11, 2018

Don’t let inaction stop you from going to Kines as it did me – it’ll be one of the best brunches you have in Melbourne. If you’re addled with intolerances, know they’ll do everything in their control to ensure you escape with zero bloats.

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About

 

When you’re FODMAP and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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