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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Category: Restaurants

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Mr Meng Chongqing Gourmet, Melbourne [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 30, 2017May 17, 2021

I must be the person in my friendship circles who is least familiar with the cult favourite Chinese dating show If You Are The One and its host, Meng Fei, but I am familiar with the Melbourne dining scene and jumped at the opportunity to sample Mr Meng Chongqing Gourmet, the Chinese noodle chain’s first Australian restaurant.

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  • Restaurants

Bontempo Pizzeria, Fitzroy

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 23, 2017July 23, 2017

Bontempo Pizzeria may appear to be just another sleek Italian restaurant frequented by a well-heeled crowd, but a closer perusal of its menu reveals astoundingly good-value pizza, pasta and alcoholic beverages.

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  • Restaurants

Red Sparrow Pizza, Collingwood

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 16, 2017July 16, 2017

All 3 devoted readers of this blog will know that I’m firmly #TeamPasta, but vegan pizzeria Red Sparrow Pizza all but negates my need for Lacteeze pills and so I had to try it.

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  • Restaurants

Tora Dumplings, Fitzroy

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 2, 2017July 3, 2017

Fructose-filled, bloat-inducing eating experiences are like books – more often than not, they culminate in a score of 3 out of 5, but Tora Dumplings went above and beyond by delivering my first five-bloat score since Shizuku Ramen back in March.

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  • Restaurants

Houhai Dumpling House, Clifton Hill

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on June 18, 2017July 2, 2017

Houhai Dumpling House is a rarity in the slew of cafes, Italian restaurants and pubs in the area, which may explain why it was packed to the rafters last Friday night.

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  • Restaurants

The Standard Hotel, Fitzroy

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 28, 2017June 24, 2017

The Standard Hotel’s prices are not prohibitively high, as is the case with certain gastropubs, and its menu is inventive and varied enough that there’s something for everyone (unless you have intolerances and hate steak).

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  • Restaurants

Queen Margaret Pizzeria, Fitzroy North

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 21, 2017

I’d heard about the legendary Margheritas at Queen Margaret long before I migrated up north, but it took me close to two years after moving to the neighbourhood before I contemplated eating here.

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  • Restaurants

Sarawak Kitchen Express, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 14, 2017May 21, 2017

There are plenty of Malaysian dishes that Australians are well acquainted with, but economy rice isn’t one of them.

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  • Restaurants

Gong De Lin, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 7, 2017May 7, 2017

It’s no secret that I prefer fake meat to real meat, which is how I found myself at Gong De Lin mid-last week.

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  • Restaurants

Fina’s 2, Fitzroy

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 30, 2017April 30, 2017

When you can’t eat onion, garlic and wheat and you’re going out with a vegetarian who doesn’t like cheese (unless it’s on a pizza), an assortment of vegetables (including but not limited to: mushrooms, asparagus and beetroot) and any variation of soup, eating out is an ordeal.

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About

 

When you’re FODMAP and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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