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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Category: Restaurants

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Fratelli Fresh, Melbourne [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 23, 2017October 14, 2018

“This menu is designed to be shared” is a phrase that strikes fear into the heart of every FODMAP-intolerant person out there.

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  • Restaurants

Tutto Bene, Southbank

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 16, 2017April 15, 2017

I equate Southbank to New York’s Times Square, sans the associated glitz and glamour and with the main attraction of a waterway of human sewage.

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  • Restaurants

Sarawak Kitchen, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 9, 2017April 9, 2017

Having encountered minimal success with Malaysian food in Melbourne after more than a decade of living here, I’d resigned myself to enjoying the dishes of my childhood when a) I visit my parents or b) fly home for my annual food pilgrimage. That is, until I found Sarawak Kitchen.

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  • Restaurants

Mahalo Poké, Richmond [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on March 26, 2017October 14, 2018

If you’ve somehow managed to avoid ‘2017 foods you absolutely CANNOT DO WITHOUT’ listicles, a poke (pronounced poh-kay) bowl is a Hawaiian delicacy that comprises raw fish either served by itself or atop warm sushi rice.

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  • Restaurants

Shizuku Ramen, Abbotsford

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on March 19, 2017March 20, 2017

I love being part of clubs (unless it involves any participation in sporting activities), and what better club is there to be a member of than Ramen Club?

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  • Restaurants

The Abyssinian, Kensington

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 19, 2017

There’s something about the experience of eating with your hands that is nostalgic, memorable and intoxicating all at once.

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  • Restaurants

SPQR Pizzeria, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 12, 2017February 12, 2017

I visited SPQR Pizzeria on a Monday and the desire to follow my intolerances was strong – it was too early in the week to incur my first intolerance breach

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  • Restaurants

Hakata Gensuke, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on December 4, 2016December 5, 2016

Because my dinner outing to Hakata Gensuke was planned two weeks prior, I promised myself that I would keep myself as bloat-free as I possibly could in the lead-up as to allow myself maximum enjoyment of ramen, which usually leaves me extremely bloated.

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  • Restaurants

The Old Raffles Place, Collingwood

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on November 27, 2016December 4, 2016

I’ve never really understood what ‘Singaporean’ food means. It’s akin to Tasmania seceding from the mainland and selling Australian food under the moniker ‘Tasmanian food’.

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  • Restaurants

Lazerpig, Collingwood

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on November 21, 2016December 4, 2016

Pizza can be easily adapted into something suitable for fructose- and lactose-intolerant people, as you can usually customise the toppings and choose a gluten-free base.

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About

 

When you’re FODMAP and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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