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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Category: Restaurants

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Juicy Bao, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on August 14, 2016August 18, 2016

Juicy Bao is one of my favourite dumpling places in Melbourne, and that’s a lofty statement when there’s competition in the form of Shandong Mama, Hutong, Shanghai Street, Din Tai Fung and New Shanghai.

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  • Restaurants

Punjabi Curry Cafe, Collingwood

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 31, 2016August 18, 2016

As tempted as I always am by the wafts of curry that emanate from bain-maries in food courts, I know the bloat after will be far from worth it.

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  • Restaurants

Easey’s, Collingwood

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 17, 2016August 18, 2016

I’ve been avoiding Easey’s like a fructose-intolerant person avoids garlic bread. Nothing good can come out of a burger place that serves mac and cheese, dim sims and potato cakes when you react adversely to the slightest whiff of onion and have my willpower i.e. none whatsoever.

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  • Restaurants

Kiki Riki Latin Street Food, Collingwood [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 10, 2016October 14, 2018

In the age of Zomato, Broadsheet and the like, it’s hard to genuinely stumble upon a place before you hear about it online, although that’s exactly how I chanced upon Kiki Riki Latin Street Food.

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  • Restaurants

Shandong Mama, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on June 20, 2016June 26, 2016

I know Shandong Mama isn’t exactly the newest kid on the block, but while people are still lining up to enter that abominable red door place on the corner of Little Bourke and Russell, I feel it is my duty as an eater to publicise the availability of the delicious and cheap dumplings at Shandong Mama.

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  • Restaurants

Tipo 00, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on June 5, 2016June 6, 2016

While my friends back in Malaysia give their parents a sort of monthly stipend to help them out, I take mine out to Italian restaurants down dank alleyways whenever I get a new job.

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  • Restaurants

Up in Smoke, Footscray

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 28, 2016May 31, 2016

When your friend suggests going to an American barbecue restaurant and you’ve just returned from gorging your face on pasta, stew and beer in Europe, what else is there to say but ‘yes’?

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About

When you’re histamine- and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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