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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Tag: Melbourne

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Vegie Hut, Box Hill

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on September 11, 2016September 25, 2016

Most people find the idea of fake (or mock) meat unfathomable or reprehensible or both, which is why I was slightly hesitant to tell people that I was celebrating my birthday by going to Vegie Hut, a vegetarian restaurant in Box Hill famous for its fake meat.

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  • Restaurants

Kaprica, Carlton

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on August 21, 2016September 25, 2016

One of my favourite job interviews wasn’t one that resulted in me getting hired, but rather one where they took me out to Kaprica and paid for me to have a risotto.

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  • Restaurants

Punjabi Curry Cafe, Collingwood

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 31, 2016August 18, 2016

As tempted as I always am by the wafts of curry that emanate from bain-maries in food courts, I know the bloat after will be far from worth it.

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  • Cafes

Higher Ground, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 25, 2016August 18, 2016

In the brunch capital of Melbourne, it’s unfathomable why you’d choose to visit the same café twice in a week, yet that’s exactly what I did after Higher Ground opened down the unfashionable end of Little Bourke Street.

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  • Restaurants

Easey’s, Collingwood

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 17, 2016August 18, 2016

I’ve been avoiding Easey’s like a fructose-intolerant person avoids garlic bread. Nothing good can come out of a burger place that serves mac and cheese, dim sims and potato cakes when you react adversely to the slightest whiff of onion and have my willpower i.e. none whatsoever.

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About

When you’re histamine- and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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