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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Tag: Melbourne

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New School Canteen, Fitzroy [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 5, 2017October 14, 2018

I had an immense hankering for a Melbourne brunch after spending the last two weeks of January in Kuala Lumpur and Bali breakfasting on roti canai, dim sum or dosa and avoiding coffee for fear of having to use a public drop toilet.

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  • Cafes

Fifteen Pounds, Fairfield

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on December 11, 2016

Despite still being in what I would call an inner north suburb, Fifteen Pounds is a welcome reprieve from the waiting that you have to do in your hungover and food-deprived state at the average inner city café.

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  • Restaurants

Hakata Gensuke, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on December 4, 2016December 5, 2016

Because my dinner outing to Hakata Gensuke was planned two weeks prior, I promised myself that I would keep myself as bloat-free as I possibly could in the lead-up as to allow myself maximum enjoyment of ramen, which usually leaves me extremely bloated.

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  • Restaurants

Lazerpig, Collingwood

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on November 21, 2016December 4, 2016

Pizza can be easily adapted into something suitable for fructose- and lactose-intolerant people, as you can usually customise the toppings and choose a gluten-free base.

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  • Restaurants

Neko Neko, Fitzroy

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on November 13, 2016December 4, 2016

Vegetarian ramen lovers, fret no more – there is a new cutesy Japanese eatery that does not only vegetarian ramen, but vegan ramen.

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  • Cafes

Stovetop, Carlton

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on November 6, 2016November 6, 2016

I gradually made the decision to stop ordering my much-loved brunch staples of corn fritters and baked eggs after I was diagnosed with my intolerances a few years ago.

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  • Cafes

Smith Street Alimentari

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on October 30, 2016November 6, 2016

Despite belonging to a cohort of money-wasting millennials who eat out, on average, nine times a week, there are embarrassing gaps in the places I’ve dined out at.

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  • Cafes

Small Axe Kitchen, Brunswick

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on October 9, 2016October 16, 2016

It’s certifiably unwise to follow up a bloat-filled dinner at Ricky & Pinky with breakfast pasta the morning after, particularly one that doesn’t come in a gluten-free version, but not for the first time, I couldn’t resist.

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  • Restaurants

Ricky & Pinky, Fitzroy

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on September 25, 2016September 25, 2016

Ricky & Pinky was on my radar, but it wasn’t until my in-laws gifted me with a voucher to dine there (shout out to the wonderful O’Deas!) did it supersede all the other places on my list.

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  • Restaurants

Northern Git, Thornbury

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on September 20, 2016September 25, 2016

Northern Git was suggested as the perfect place for a mid-week dinner, and after realising it was on my 180-page list of places I want to try in Melbourne, I started rapaciously scouring the menu – deciding at least two days in advance that we would definitely be having the spicy chicken wings with blue cheese.

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About

When you’re histamine- and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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