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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Sushi Ten, Carlton

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on November 25, 2019May 17, 2021

Sushi Ten’s reputation precedes it – it used to serve its famed donburis from within Port Phillip Arcade before shifting to Rathdowne Street.

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  • Cafes

Project281 Cafe, Brunswick

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on November 17, 2019May 17, 2021

My eyes couldn’t help but glaze over mentions of granola bowls, eggs benedict and smashed avo replicated across the menus of Melbourne’s cafés in my brunch research for this weekend, until I stumbled across Project281 Cafe.

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  • Restaurants

Leonardo’s Pizza Palace, Carlton

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on September 1, 2019September 1, 2019

If you think about ‘fusion food’ and tandoori chicken pizza in the same breath, you need to visit Leonardo’s Pizza Palace and try its Chinese bolognese pizza, which tastes decidedly better than it sounds.

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  • Cafes

Wild Life Bakery, Brunswick East

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on August 25, 2019August 26, 2019

I found out about Wild Life Bakery the way plebs unaware of Melbourne’s latest advancements in sourdough found out about it – through this effusive Broadsheet review about its famed baguette with egg, creamed greens and onion jam.

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Noodle House by Lao-Luangprabang, Melbourne [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on August 19, 2019May 17, 2021

There is something undoubtedly comforting about having a warm noodle soup in colder months and I’ve discovered there’s no better place to do this than Melbourne’s first dedicated Laotian noodle outpost, Noodle House by Lao-Luangprabang.

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Dumplings & More, Footscray

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 31, 2019May 17, 2021

Dumplings & More specialises in the cuisine of Dongbei, otherwise known as Northeast China or Manchuria, and which borders Korea, Russia and Mongolia.

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Xenia Food Store, Brunswick East [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 7, 2019May 17, 2021

Xenia Food Store is manned by the same people behind Philhellene in Moonee Ponds, a stalwart of Greek and Cretan dining.

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  • Restaurants

Colourful Yunnan, Carlton

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on July 1, 2019June 30, 2019

Half the menu descriptors on Colourful Yunnan’s menu had the word ‘spicy’ or a chilli symbol beside them, so this restaurant isn’t for you if you’re not partial to chilli.

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Aunty Franklee, Hawthorn [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on June 9, 2019May 17, 2021

Aunty Franklee serves a small selection of some famous Malaysian food exports but also other lesser known dishes like ‘thunder tea rice’ and ‘mother hen soup’, expanding the popular conception of what Malaysian food is.

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Isan Soul, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 26, 2019

It takes a particular kind of bravery to re-visit a restaurant after walking out on them but I was up to the challenge.

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About

 

When you’re FODMAP and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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