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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Queen Margaret Pizzeria, Fitzroy North

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 21, 2017

I’d heard about the legendary Margheritas at Queen Margaret long before I migrated up north, but it took me close to two years after moving to the neighbourhood before I contemplated eating here.

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Sarawak Kitchen Express, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 14, 2017May 21, 2017

There are plenty of Malaysian dishes that Australians are well acquainted with, but economy rice isn’t one of them.

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Gong De Lin, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 7, 2017May 7, 2017

It’s no secret that I prefer fake meat to real meat, which is how I found myself at Gong De Lin mid-last week.

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Fina’s 2, Fitzroy

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 30, 2017April 30, 2017

When you can’t eat onion, garlic and wheat and you’re going out with a vegetarian who doesn’t like cheese (unless it’s on a pizza), an assortment of vegetables (including but not limited to: mushrooms, asparagus and beetroot) and any variation of soup, eating out is an ordeal.

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Fratelli Fresh, Melbourne [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 23, 2017October 14, 2018

“This menu is designed to be shared” is a phrase that strikes fear into the heart of every FODMAP-intolerant person out there.

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Tutto Bene, Southbank

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 16, 2017April 15, 2017

I equate Southbank to New York’s Times Square, sans the associated glitz and glamour and with the main attraction of a waterway of human sewage.

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Sarawak Kitchen, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 9, 2017April 9, 2017

Having encountered minimal success with Malaysian food in Melbourne after more than a decade of living here, I’d resigned myself to enjoying the dishes of my childhood when a) I visit my parents or b) fly home for my annual food pilgrimage. That is, until I found Sarawak Kitchen.

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Mahalo Poké, Richmond [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on March 26, 2017October 14, 2018

If you’ve somehow managed to avoid ‘2017 foods you absolutely CANNOT DO WITHOUT’ listicles, a poke (pronounced poh-kay) bowl is a Hawaiian delicacy that comprises raw fish either served by itself or atop warm sushi rice.

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Shizuku Ramen, Abbotsford

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on March 19, 2017March 20, 2017

I love being part of clubs (unless it involves any participation in sporting activities), and what better club is there to be a member of than Ramen Club?

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Dumbo, West Footscray

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on March 5, 2017March 6, 2017

Dumbo felt like it was in the ‘burbs – mostly because I pulled out the old Journey Planner and found it’d take a bit over an hour, and in some cases a combination of three modes of transport, to get there.

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About

 

When you’re FODMAP and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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