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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Author: Sonia Nair

Sonia Nair is a Melbourne-based food writer who persists with her love of everything deep fried and spicy, despite being diagnosed with a histamine intolerance and lactose intolerance after incorrectly thinking she was fructose-intolerant for several years.
  • Cafes

Dumbo, West Footscray

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on March 5, 2017March 6, 2017

Dumbo felt like it was in the ‘burbs – mostly because I pulled out the old Journey Planner and found it’d take a bit over an hour, and in some cases a combination of three modes of transport, to get there.

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  • Cafes

Abacus Bar & Kitchen, South Yarra

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 26, 2017February 26, 2017

A friend incredulously messaged me last week saying she was in a café that was #peaksouthside, so much so it had a DJ spinning tunes at the obscenely early hour of 10am.

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  • Restaurants

The Abyssinian, Kensington

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 19, 2017

There’s something about the experience of eating with your hands that is nostalgic, memorable and intoxicating all at once.

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  • Restaurants

SPQR Pizzeria, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 12, 2017February 12, 2017

I visited SPQR Pizzeria on a Monday and the desire to follow my intolerances was strong – it was too early in the week to incur my first intolerance breach

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  • Cafes

New School Canteen, Fitzroy [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 5, 2017October 14, 2018

I had an immense hankering for a Melbourne brunch after spending the last two weeks of January in Kuala Lumpur and Bali breakfasting on roti canai, dim sum or dosa and avoiding coffee for fear of having to use a public drop toilet.

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  • Cafes

Holla, Richmond

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on December 18, 2016December 18, 2016

I visited Victoria Street once for a reason other than Vietnamese or Korean food and regretted it immensely. This isn’t that time.

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  • Cafes

Fifteen Pounds, Fairfield

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on December 11, 2016

Despite still being in what I would call an inner north suburb, Fifteen Pounds is a welcome reprieve from the waiting that you have to do in your hungover and food-deprived state at the average inner city café.

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  • Restaurants

Hakata Gensuke, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on December 4, 2016December 5, 2016

Because my dinner outing to Hakata Gensuke was planned two weeks prior, I promised myself that I would keep myself as bloat-free as I possibly could in the lead-up as to allow myself maximum enjoyment of ramen, which usually leaves me extremely bloated.

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  • Restaurants

The Old Raffles Place, Collingwood

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on November 27, 2016December 4, 2016

I’ve never really understood what ‘Singaporean’ food means. It’s akin to Tasmania seceding from the mainland and selling Australian food under the moniker ‘Tasmanian food’.

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  • Restaurants

Lazerpig, Collingwood

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on November 21, 2016December 4, 2016

Pizza can be easily adapted into something suitable for fructose- and lactose-intolerant people, as you can usually customise the toppings and choose a gluten-free base.

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About

 

When you’re FODMAP and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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