Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Tag: Thai

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Isan Soul, Melbourne

by Sonia Nair
Posted on May 26, 2019

It takes a particular kind of bravery to re-visit a restaurant after walking out on them but I was up to the challenge.

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When you’re histamine- and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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FOUR BLOATS from this bowl of rice flour and tapioca flour noodles at @noodlehouse.laolpb, slow-cooked in a fragrant pork broth and topped with crispy roast pork and pork fishballs. As you can see, the dish was blanketed in fried shallots – hence the bloat situation – but I’d be keen to order this again without the shallots to see how my stomach fares. Noodle House by Lao-Luangprabang has a short yet rich selection of noodle soups and dry noodles, with these soft and slippery yet chewy housemade noodles some of the best I’ve ever had. Link to this week’s blog post in profile 👀

ZERO BLOATS from this peanut butter and jelly crumpet from @holy_crumpets, the best way to start a week imho. The crumpets themselves are made from whole-wheat freshly milled stoneground flour without baker’s yeast, which means they’re denser than your average airy crumpet but somehow taste as though they’d be good for your digestion? Maybe not my digestion, however – seeing I chose the two high-histamine toppings of peanut butter and jam (I never know the ‘jelly’ in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches was actually jam!?). I enjoyed the creaminess of the sticky peanut butter contrasted against the smooth floral jam, but got massive FOMO from @carina_florea’s cinnamon and honey crumpet, which I’m definitely getting the next time. Looking forward to seeing how my tummy fares throughout the day 👌🏽

ONE BLOAT from this sublime dish of green chilli folded eggs, crisped up diced chorizo and Persian feta on gluten-free bread at @shortround_ after our plan A of going to @sookiediner was thwarted because it was currently undergoing renovation. It was a worthy plan B and I really enjoyed my dish – if anything, it was slightly rich for me and my slightly bloated tummy from last night, but otherwise faultless. All I’ve done today is sleep and brunch and that’s an A+ Saturday in my books

There’s nothing better for my embattled post-hungover tummy than Don Don’s sashi don. Everything in it is intolerance-friendly, from the white rice (Don Don is charging $1 extra if you want brown rice) and tofu to the fresh slivers of salmon sashimi. The pickled stuff isn’t but they’re not hard to avoid for me – controversial, but I don’t really like anything pickled unless it’s an Indian achar. ZERO BLOATS from being kind to my tummy for the first time in three days

“They say the definition of madness is doing the same thing and expecting a different result” – The Hives. Well well well, The Hives were obviously talking about my predilection for spice. After my ill-fated encounter at Capricho a few weeks ago, I proceeded to do the same thing and order the ‘hot’ at @belleshotchicken. I figured I’d tried the spiciest basting at Belle’s and survived; how hot could ‘hot’ be? The answer is quite hot, particularly when coupled with the piping hot temperature these tenders were served at. It’d been awhile since I had visited Belle’s and I quite enjoyed this, particularly when coupled with the heavenly coleslaw and after the tenders had cooled down, but was envious of my partner who was devouring his ‘medium’ chicken tenders at a rapid rate. So I escaped with ZERO BLOATS but an uneasy stomach, cursing my lack of self-control yet again. Till my next encounter with chilli 🌶

I’m declaring 2019 my year of noodles, as I tasted yet another exemplary example of them at Dumplings & More, the subject of this week’s blog post. These hand-pulled lamb noodles were slick with oil without being oily, with the caramelised spring onions and celery crunch elevating it into something I could eat bowlfuls of. Get your ass to Footscray if you haven’t been already and ignore the severely inaccurate Zomato reviews. Link to this week’s THREE-BLOAT blog post in profile 👀

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