Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Tag: Thai

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Isan Soul, Melbourne

by Sonia Nair
Posted on May 26, 2019

It takes a particular kind of bravery to re-visit a restaurant after walking out on them but I was up to the challenge.

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When you’re histamine- and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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This spicy mie goreng that @did.u.eat and I ordered at Blok M did not disappoint, but it was certainly nowhere near as heat-inducing as it looks here, though the heat was the kind that lingered in the back of your mouth with a cumulative effect that became more intense the more springy egg noodles we ate. Still, the after-effects were not bad at all – my bowels remained unaffected and I escaped with THREE BLOATS (a win in my book)

ZERO BLOATS but an insatiable need to visit the toilet after I had not one but TWO coffees in quick succession at @cibi_minanoie – I’ll never learn. But this chicken soboro, with miso- and ginger-marinated chicken mince, edamame, soy eggs and mizuna was perfectly intolerance friendly and the ideal meal for this light and summery day. Chicken mince often gets a bad rap, and no wonder when what you buy from Coles is injected with more water than anything else, so it’s refreshing to have it take centrestage in such a thoughtful, well-balanced dish

I’ve been resisting @lomah_med, a small Israeli food joint that’s opened up in @ellamelbourne launched by the same chef behind @atlasdining, for so long because I can’t eat anything in it, from the tahini and falafels to the hummus and various dressings, but I couldn’t resist any longer and got this $9 (!!!) eggplant sabich plate with za’atar spiced rice, a hot dressing, a zucchini and cauliflower slaw, healthy dollops of housemade hummus and tahini, and, of course, grilled eggplant and slices of just well-done eggs. Eggplant is a high-histamine vegetable but I figured if I’m breaching my intolerances, I may as well go all the way. This was delicious; the hot dressing made my tongue tingle a little bit but wasn’t overly spicy, and the plate was very filling, so great value for money. I do however feel like a garbage bin now – my tummy isn’t bloated as much as quite uneasy. It kinda feels like I’m a minute away from needing to visit the toilet, but in a persistent non life-threatening way

In what is likely to be an extremely UNPOPULAR post, I didn’t enjoy the highly vaunted parmesan scramble I had at Smith & Daughters over the weekend and it’s not because I’m a vegan-food hating omni normie (I love vegan food! Especially fake meat!) but because the tofu was too firm and not as crumbly as I’ve had in tofu scramble dishes elsewhere, and because the soy milk-derived sauce blanketing the tofu was too one-note with not enough of the chilli or spice that was promised to me in the menu description. Things I did like about my dish: the lemony greens, the high-quality toasted gluten-free bread, the impressiveness of this actually looking somewhat like eggs, the ZERO BLOATS I felt after

Sometimes you can have your cake and eat it too, particularly if it’s not a high-histamine cake but a fresh salmon sashimi don from @sushi_ten_carlton that not only tastes sublime but results in ZERO BLOATS. Sushi Ten has been around for ages and is an institution to many people since its days in Port Phillip Arcade but I’ve only just discovered it and I am obsessed. Link to this week’s blog post in bio 👀

FOUR BLOATS from yesterday’s feast at @eat.drink.lokall which consisted of, first and foremost, this triple cheese Shokupan (Japanese fluffy white bread) toastie with bechamel and dijon mustard. Obviously it was never going to go down well with my gut, though it went down very well at the time – I can neither tolerate wheat nor lactose, but I did pop two Lacteeze down beforehand so nothing too untoward happened 💩 Swipe left to see the entirety of what @samvanzweden and I shared between us – the toastie alongside one of the best chicken katsu sandos I’ve had, a potato and chorizo crumb salad, a sweet potato and corn salad and a smoked kingfish brown rice bowl. I didn’t feel anything at first but the bloat settled in shortly before dinner and has persisted throughout today

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