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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Tag: Lebanese

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Abla’s, Carlton

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 1, 2018April 1, 2018

There aren’t many dishes on Abla’s menu that doesn’t include some form of onion and garlic, but that’s OK – the best dish on its menu doesn’t have either.

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  • Restaurants

Teta Mona, Brunswick East

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on October 16, 2016

It would have been easy to follow my intolerances at Teta Mona, a cosy and contained Lebanese eatery on what wankers like me term the ‘good end’ of Lygon Street, but Teta Mona has a sharing menu and that put a spanner in the works.

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About

When you’re histamine- and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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