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Whatever Floats Your Bloat

The most tolerant intolerant eater

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Category: Restaurants

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Aangan, West Footscray

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 6, 2021May 17, 2021

I don’t typically dine out on South Asian food, but I’d heard so much about Aangan that I had to try it and what better reason to celebrate than Proud Perthian moving to a new house within walking distance of it. 

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  • Restaurants

Burger Shurger, Elsternwick

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on March 10, 2021May 17, 2021

Burger Shurger specialises in fusion food, specifically that which sees chicken 65 and malai kebab sandwiched by bread, lamb keema tossed with spaghetti in a makeshift bolognese, butter chicken strewn across fries, and biryani moulded into arancini.

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  • Restaurants

Oh Loretta!, Northcote

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 22, 2021May 17, 2021

Oh Loretta! was one of many restaurants to have opened up in the aftermath of the pandemic, not that you could tell from the diners squashed into its bustling, deejayed confines.

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  • Restaurants

Vex, Northcote

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on February 1, 2021May 17, 2021

With only one meat dish on the menu, Vex’s menu is perfect for pescatarians and vegetarians. Simple, clean flavours are elevated, showcasing the quality of the fresh produce and seafood on offer.

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  • Restaurants

Faye, Brunswick East

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on January 25, 2021May 17, 2021

In Melbourne’s fickle dining landscape where style sometimes wins over substance, I hope Faye’s dishes speak for themselves and garner more well-deserved fans.

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  • Restaurants

Shaanxi-Style Restaurant, Box Hill

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on January 11, 2021May 17, 2021

The family-run Shaanxi-Style Restaurant makes no bones about what it specialises in – Shaanxi cuisine. Shaanxi is a landlocked region in the northwestern corner of China, and carbs are the name of the game here – specifically noodles.

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  • Restaurants

Lulu’s Char Koay Teow, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on January 4, 2021May 17, 2021

I’m loving the number of Malaysian specialty restaurants that are popping up in Melbourne – Lulu’s Char Koay Teow is the latest addition.

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  • Restaurants

Pinchy’s, Melbourne

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 21, 2020May 17, 2021

Pinchy’s was previously a pop-up store in Emporium but I never visited because the idea of a $23 Maine lobster roll seemed slightly excessive for a workday lunch, so I was glad to see them set up permanently in the space that used to be Red Silks.

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  • Restaurants

Kumo Izakaya, Brunswick East

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on May 7, 2020May 17, 2021

Kumo Izakaya isn’t known for strictly Japanese food with a menu that has clear Italian, Korean and Turkish influences.

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  • Restaurants

Euro Kitchen Vegan Café, Fitzroy [permanently closed]

  • by Sonia Nair
  • Posted on April 29, 2020May 17, 2021

Euro Kitchen’s plant-based menu was perfect for the vegan Sand Pirate Penguin, the vegetarian Feminist Film Fatale and the omnivorous me who is forever trying to reduce my meat consumption.

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About

 

When you’re FODMAP and lactose-intolerant as well as lacking a somewhat vital organ such as a gallbladder, everything floats your bloat – tomatoes, eggplant, mature cheeses (so most good cheeses), wine, spinach, almond milk, every form of preserved meat (yes, that includes bacon), that little bit of ghee your mum slips into her dahl to make it taste all the better.

Bloat Scores

0 Living the dream

1 Had to loosen my belt a notch

2 The belt had to be completely removed

3 I could have balanced a glass of wine on my bloated stomach

4 If I were lying prostrate on my tummy, it would have looked as though I was levitating

5 So full of gas I floated home like a hot air balloon

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